Welcome to 2006. Kiss your motorcycle freedom goodbye. As of January 1, 2006, the new EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) regulations are in effect. Buy a new bike and it will conform to those new standards. Plan on building a chopper? Well, buddy you better get it right the first time. And you better like it, 'cause it will be the only one you ever get to build and ride for the rest of your life. That’s right, folks; you can only build one EPA-exempt bike in your lifetime under these new rules. If some crack-addled thief steals it or some cell phone yakking minivan momma crashes into it, or life forces you to sell it, tough tootsie, citizen; there is no replacing it. Oh yeah and you can’t sell it for five years from the date of final assembly. And they are dead serious about that sale thing, too. Even if you die, you can’t sell it for five years. I wonder-if your estate sells your chopper too soon, will they dig you up and make your corpse stand trial? That selling rule also includes bankruptcy or divorce. OK, some of you are saying, that ain’t bad-at least I keep my bike. Well, if the courts decide that your bankruptcy (there are now new laws to make bankruptcy very hard on people-hard enough that two major airlines bailed just before the laws went into effect) or divorce requires the value of the bike be given to someone else, what will you sell to get that cash-your blood or retirement account? But don’t worry, friends; the air you suck in to let out that scream of frustration will be cleaner (if you believe that, I have a bridge for sale).

Now, if you have been saving and planning on buying one of those cool custom bikes from your favorite TV star builder, you are in luck. The law will let you buy as many as you can afford. One thing, though; you can’t ride them. Well, OK, you can ride them to and from bike shows, but only to and from bike shows. So, think about that for a minute. You can buy them, pay the state the sales tax, tag and registration fee, road-use taxes, and even have them inspected for use on public roads that your tax dollars paid for, but you can only ride them to display them at bike shows. By the way—don’t forget to insure them as required by law. Maybe I hit my head putting on that government-mandated helmet, but something about this seems wrong here.

 So let’s say you look at this tomfoolery and decide that you just don’t want your custom-bike freedom enough to do anything about this. Maybe you say, “Heck, them choppers look good but they won’t ride as good as that new factory bike will.” Well, bubba, before you buy that shiny new 2006-or-later bike, ask yourself if you like barbeque. Why, you ask? Well, because that new bike might just be required to have a catalytic converter. Catalytic converters have been under cars for a long time. In that location they can be large enough to contain the required amount of insulation to reduce their fire hazard. That also places them where you can’t touch them. On a bike it won’t work like that. That piping hot (around 900°F) catalytic converter will be hanging out there with the rest of the exhaust system, and if you touch that hot cat you will be the barbeque, but remember-the air you suck in to scream in pain will be cleaner, even if laced with the smell of your cooking meat.
 
Now, I like clean air as much as anyone, but this seems like overkill to me. It all comes to you from the nice people at CARB (California Air Resources Board), an eleven-member group, of which only five are elected, five appointed by the governor, and one a full time chairman. These folks keep California’s air breathable. California has some geographically unique problems, quite different from the rest of America. The EPA, however, has decided to adopt their solutions for the whole country. Somehow I feel like my freedoms have been co-opted by people I did not elect. A visit to the CARB web site reveals their true agenda: “…cleaning up the air will take more than government regulations. It will hinge on how companies conduct their business and how individuals live their lives.” CARB is coming to get you, to change how our industry works and how you live your life.  But it is OK, because your last gasp of freedom will be a breath of fresh air.

EAT HOT & RIDE SAFE,
Biker Billy

Mexi-Corn

If you love the taste of roasted green chile peppers, this salsa is for you.  As the name implies it is warm in both temperature and fire.  If you want more fire, add a little cayenne pepper or a few dashes of your favorite hot sauce.  After a cold winter ride I enjoy the double warmth this stuff gives me as it thaws me from within

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 cup chopped roasted Anaheim peppers (8 or 9 medium chiles)
2 medium onions, coarsely chopped
1 teaspoon dried cilantro                                  1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper                 1 cup water

Heat the oil in a small sauté pan over medium heat.  Add the roasted peppers and onions and sauté for 3 to 5 minutes, or until the onions are golden brown.  Add the cilantro, black pepper, salt, and water and reduce the heat to low.  Cover and simmer for 10 minutes.

Puree the mixture in a blender or food processor equipped with a chopping blade for 30 seconds to 1 minute until no large pieces of pepper remain.  Serve warm.

Makes about 3 cups         

Column copyright Bill Hufnagle 2005. Recipe reprinted with permission from "BIKER BILLY'S HOG WILD ON A HARLEY COOKBOOK", published by Harvard Common Press, Boston copyright Bill Hufnagle 2003.